Jim McKay's Lifeless Corpse Still Intends to Host the Beijing Olympics

Veteran sportscaster Jim McKay suffered the agony of defeat this week, in as far as he utterly failed to not die. McKay, who rose above mere sportscasting and became a broadcasting legend with his coverage of the disastrous 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis, died this week of natural causes.

McKay became synonymous with broadcasts of the Olympics, covering the event for ABC every four years, starting with the first Olympics games in 1088 B.C.

He also hosted the long-running ABC sports showcase Wide World of Sports, without which many Americans would never have witnessed the glory of Competitive Lumberjacking.

No DW2K8ers experienced the thrill of victory by choosing McKay, so his 14 points will go unclaimed.

Bo Diddley's Death to be Ripped Off by Old White Musician

Pioneering blues musician Bo Diddley died of heart failure this week at the age of 79.

Mr. Diddley was an innovative guitar player whose style was so unique that he actually had a rhythm named after him. His Mississippi-honed rhythm guitar helped pave the way for the rise of rock and roll.

Immediately after his untimely passing, Pat Boone announced that he intended to have a stroke, followed by a heart attack, and that he would also die at 79, but that he'd make a lot more money off of it because he's more acceptable to a white audience.

The Crippler scores 21 points, thanks to Mr. Diddley.

Fashionably Dead

Legendary clothing designer Yves Saint-Laurent died this week at the age of 71. Mssr. Saint-Laurent was a pioneer in the field of ready-to-wear clothing whose monogram became synonymous with high-end fashion.

In a cruel twist of fate, the coffin chosen by Saint-Laurent's family turned out to be a Chinese black market knock-off that someone had purchased on the sidewalk in the Village.

No DW2K8ers had the fashion sense to choose Saint-Laurent, and so his 29 points go unclaimed.

Sydney Pollack's Death Much More Popular Than Harvey Korman's

The Shadow was deeply saddened this morning to learn of the passing of comic Harvey Korman. Korman, famous for his work on The Carol Burnett Show, as well as for his classic portrayal of Hedley Lamarr in the film Blazing Saddles, died today at age 81, from complications of an aneurysm.

But players of Deathwatch 2008 were much more concerned with the death earlier in the week of director Sydney Pollack. Pollack, the occasional actor and director of such films as They Shoot Horses, Don't They?, The Electric Horseman and Tootsie, died this week at the age of 73 from cancer.

Five--count 'em--five DW2K8ers snagged a tidy 27 points from Pollack's death, while only Kerberos anticipated the passing of Mr. Korman. Which begs the question: Why the hell were you guys so certain Pollack was about to kick it?

Not a particularly funny post, so I'll close with a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? Apparently to attend Sydney Pollack's funeral and leave Harvey Korman's corpse to molder on the sidewalk.

You Can Go Ahead and Take Away His Gun Now

Film legend Charlton Heston died today at the age of 84.

There is a great deal of confusion as to the manner of his death. According to an A.P. report, the actor was beaten to death by a group of super-intelligent apes who had caught him in a net. Another, conflicting report, from the BBC, says that he was thrown from a chariot and died from internal injuries. The New York Times has written that Mr. Heston was smothered to death by overweight documentary film-maker Michael Moore.

All news agencies have reported the same interesting request in Heston's will, which is that he wanted to be ground up and turned into a hyper-nutritional food to end world hunger.

Deathwatchers seem to have been eagerly anticipating Heston's death, as Morrigan, Wednesday, the Grim Reaper, Kerberos, Miss of Death, Rock-n-Roll Suicide and The Oracle all snagged a tidy 16 points, leaving the rest of us tied for last.

Death Round-Up (Death-Up?)

Playing a little catch-up here.

Former Senator-from-Ohio Howard Metzenbaum died on March 12 at age 90. Senator Metzenbaum was a fantastic Democratic senator in the old-school vein; y'know, back when the legislature actually tried to get shit done. The Shadow was terribly saddened to hear of the senator's passing, mostly when it was learned the the senator was not on The Shadow's death list as The Shadow had previously thought. Nobody on DW2K8 scored those sweet, sweet 10 points.


Massive geeks suffered another serious blow this week as author Arthur C. Clarke was beaten to death by a bunch of bone-wielding apes. After the earlier death of Gary Gygax, the geek world is in a state of high dudgeon, wondering who the next geek icon to fall might be. Again, no Deathwatch players anticipated Mr. Clarke's death, and so his 10 points also go unclaimed.


Acclaimed British actor Paul Scofield died this week. Mr. Scofield, whose credits include A Man for All Seasons, King Lear, Henry V and Quiz Show, was seen most recently in Rebecca Miller's film adaptation of The Crucible. He was wrinkly and British and he will be missed. Just not by any Death-Watchers, 'cause we all once again missed the boat and left his 14 points unclaimed.

Another newly-minted moldering British corpse is that of acclaimed director Anthony Minghella. Mr. Minghella, helmer of such prestigious pieces of picture-show puffery as The Talented Mr. Ripley appears to have been trying to recapture the glory of his Oscar-nominated directorial breakthrough by becoming an English Patient. His death, presumably, will not have the same box-office success. Nor will it feature Ralph Fiennes. Death Watch players have got to be incredibly saddened that we all missed the 46 points that Mr. Minghella would have brought.

Oh, and the drummer from ABBA kick-drummed the bucket, too. His name was probably Sven Hufferdenpuffer or something along those lines. He was, reportedly, the inspiration for the song "Dancing Queen." Yet again, no points for this guy. Man, we suck.

Gygax Fails Saving Throw Versus Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm

Nerds, geeks, and spazzes worldwide are in mourning over the loss of Dungeons and Dragons co-creator Gary Gygax. For decades, Gygax has stood as a legend to legions of awkward adolescents who needed to escape their mundane, girl-free lives through role playing.*

At a local gaming hangout, young up-and-coming healers were killing rats and small undead creatures in a desperate attempt to level up. "If I can just get 175 more XP," 6th-level human cleric Ashram Ket said adamantly, "I can learn the 'Ressurrect' spell and bring him back!"

From a nearby table, 28th-level elven druid Nipa Honeyhut looked back at Ket over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Stupid kid...doesn't he realize you can't force a rez on someone who doesn't want to be rezzed? Sometimes the soul is quite happy where it is. Let the dude rest in peace."

A moment of silence drifted across the gaming center, and for a while, the only sounds to be heard were the scratching of pencils, the munching of pizza, and the tumbling of twenty-siders on the tabletops.

Nobody from DW2K8 rolled a 20 and hit Gygax's 31 points.
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*I was a Level 7 Half-Elf Thief before I became the Grim Reaper...