George Carlin

George Carlin died. Heart failure. There's absolutely nothing funny that I want to say about that, 'cause he was a hero of mine and the earth is a much shittier place without him.

Instead, I'll just share a quote of Carlin's that I use all the time. He was talking about, I believe, one of the reasons why his outlook was as bleak as it was. He became quite the pessimist in his later years. Seriously.

Anyway, Carlin was of the opinion that we're--as a people--not intelligent enough to fix all the problems we cause. Here's how he put it:

"Think of how stupid the average person is. And then, realize that half of them are even dumber than that."

Jesus, I miss him already.

Nobody picked George Carlin, so there's 29 points down the crapper.

Stan Winston's Death Not Nearly as Cool-Looking as It Should Have Been

Special-effects wizard Stan Winston died this week at the age of 62. I don't know, man, I guess I was hoping he'd kick in some massive explosion or something. Or, like, maybe a swarm of insects would, like, swoop down around his body and devour him, leaving behind a pile of dust. Maybe he could have been sitting in his living room or something and then this, like, sentient tree comes busting through the wall and wraps its limbs around him and just rips him apart.

I mean, something!

But no. The dude behind the special effects in Aliens and Jurassic Park just sort of lies there and dies from cancer. And if that's not lame enough, nobody picked him, so nobody scores.

Whatever, man.

Chubby Irish Guy Has Heart Attack (Shocking!)

Veteran NBC newsman Tim Russert, the longest serving host of the Peacock Network's Meet the Press, died unexpectedly on Friday of a massive coronary.

No DW2K8 players had pegged Russert as an immediately potential corpse, so his 42 points are as useless as an endorsement from George W. Bush. (A bit of political humor in memory of Mr. Russert.)

Jim McKay's Lifeless Corpse Still Intends to Host the Beijing Olympics

Veteran sportscaster Jim McKay suffered the agony of defeat this week, in as far as he utterly failed to not die. McKay, who rose above mere sportscasting and became a broadcasting legend with his coverage of the disastrous 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis, died this week of natural causes.

McKay became synonymous with broadcasts of the Olympics, covering the event for ABC every four years, starting with the first Olympics games in 1088 B.C.

He also hosted the long-running ABC sports showcase Wide World of Sports, without which many Americans would never have witnessed the glory of Competitive Lumberjacking.

No DW2K8ers experienced the thrill of victory by choosing McKay, so his 14 points will go unclaimed.

Bo Diddley's Death to be Ripped Off by Old White Musician

Pioneering blues musician Bo Diddley died of heart failure this week at the age of 79.

Mr. Diddley was an innovative guitar player whose style was so unique that he actually had a rhythm named after him. His Mississippi-honed rhythm guitar helped pave the way for the rise of rock and roll.

Immediately after his untimely passing, Pat Boone announced that he intended to have a stroke, followed by a heart attack, and that he would also die at 79, but that he'd make a lot more money off of it because he's more acceptable to a white audience.

The Crippler scores 21 points, thanks to Mr. Diddley.

Fashionably Dead

Legendary clothing designer Yves Saint-Laurent died this week at the age of 71. Mssr. Saint-Laurent was a pioneer in the field of ready-to-wear clothing whose monogram became synonymous with high-end fashion.

In a cruel twist of fate, the coffin chosen by Saint-Laurent's family turned out to be a Chinese black market knock-off that someone had purchased on the sidewalk in the Village.

No DW2K8ers had the fashion sense to choose Saint-Laurent, and so his 29 points go unclaimed.