Friday, March 21, 2008

Death Round-Up (Death-Up?)

Playing a little catch-up here.

Former Senator-from-Ohio Howard Metzenbaum died on March 12 at age 90. Senator Metzenbaum was a fantastic Democratic senator in the old-school vein; y'know, back when the legislature actually tried to get shit done. The Shadow was terribly saddened to hear of the senator's passing, mostly when it was learned the the senator was not on The Shadow's death list as The Shadow had previously thought. Nobody on DW2K8 scored those sweet, sweet 10 points.


Massive geeks suffered another serious blow this week as author Arthur C. Clarke was beaten to death by a bunch of bone-wielding apes. After the earlier death of Gary Gygax, the geek world is in a state of high dudgeon, wondering who the next geek icon to fall might be. Again, no Deathwatch players anticipated Mr. Clarke's death, and so his 10 points also go unclaimed.


Acclaimed British actor Paul Scofield died this week. Mr. Scofield, whose credits include A Man for All Seasons, King Lear, Henry V and Quiz Show, was seen most recently in Rebecca Miller's film adaptation of The Crucible. He was wrinkly and British and he will be missed. Just not by any Death-Watchers, 'cause we all once again missed the boat and left his 14 points unclaimed.

Another newly-minted moldering British corpse is that of acclaimed director Anthony Minghella. Mr. Minghella, helmer of such prestigious pieces of picture-show puffery as The Talented Mr. Ripley appears to have been trying to recapture the glory of his Oscar-nominated directorial breakthrough by becoming an English Patient. His death, presumably, will not have the same box-office success. Nor will it feature Ralph Fiennes. Death Watch players have got to be incredibly saddened that we all missed the 46 points that Mr. Minghella would have brought.

Oh, and the drummer from ABBA kick-drummed the bucket, too. His name was probably Sven Hufferdenpuffer or something along those lines. He was, reportedly, the inspiration for the song "Dancing Queen." Yet again, no points for this guy. Man, we suck.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Gygax Fails Saving Throw Versus Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm

It didn't help that his Constitution score was so low...

Nerds, geeks, and spazzes worldwide are in mourning over the loss of Dungeons and Dragons co-creator Gary Gygax. For decades, Gygax has stood as a legend to legions of awkward adolescents who needed to escape their mundane, girl-free lives through role playing.*

At a local gaming hangout, young up-and-coming healers were killing rats and small undead creatures in a desperate attempt to level up. "If I can just get 175 more XP," 6th-level human cleric Ashram Ket said adamantly, "I can learn the 'Ressurrect' spell and bring him back!"

From a nearby table, 28th-level elven druid Nipa Honeyhut looked back at Ket over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Stupid kid...doesn't he realize you can't force a rez on someone who doesn't want to be rezzed? Sometimes the soul is quite happy where it is. Let the dude rest in peace."

A moment of silence drifted across the gaming center, and for a while, the only sounds to be heard were the scratching of pencils, the munching of pizza, and the tumbling of twenty-siders on the tabletops.

Nobody from DW2K8 rolled a 20 and hit Gygax's 31 points.
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*I was a Level 7 Half-Elf Thief before I became the Grim Reaper...